first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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