i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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