Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
