dude i'm inner monologue high
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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