I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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