I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
