Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
