My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
