You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
