cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
