i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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