Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
