I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
There are leaves in my underwear?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
