Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
