I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
