I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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