last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
