My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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