So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
only if we run a train.
done.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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