Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
