The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
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