shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
