apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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