I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
