New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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