so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
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my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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