3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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