Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
