I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
