trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I did not marry a roomba.
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