considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize