the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
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Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
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Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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