Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Randomize
