No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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