grandma shit on top of the toilet
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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