All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
