Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
