it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
