Jerry, you need to find god
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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