One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
