I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
