lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
