You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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