I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
