Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
