Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
