I just saw a hot homeless man
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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