A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
