She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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