I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
