I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
