you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
