apparently the secret to your success is patron
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
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and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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