he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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