We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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