i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
