I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
