ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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