apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
