Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
