There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
