I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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