so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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