he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
