My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
A+ Viking dick
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
