Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just made out with a guy for $7.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
