we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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