her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
