Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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